How to Give Constructive Feedback Without the Stress? 🧯

Issue #98: Give Critical Feedback Comfortably and Confidently. A Problem Solving Method. Simple > Fancy.

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🎓 Learn

Sharing critical feedback with your team, colleagues, friends, or family can be challenging.

Firstly, any confrontation is inherently uncomfortable. The fear of damaging the relationship adds even more stress.

However, despite how stressful and nerve-wracking it may be, sharing critical feedback is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and your growth.

Here are three reasons why you must share critical feedback:

1. Personal Growth: By not sharing critical feedback, you may hinder the growth of the person.

2. Prevent Repeated Issues: If a person’s actions have negatively impacted you once, it’s likely to continue, causing ongoing stress and irritation for you and others.

3. Respect and Opportunities: Those who provide critical feedback effectively and sincerely help others grow, earning more respect and potentially larger roles in their careers.

In today’s issue, I’ll share a method that will help you provide critical feedback more comfortably and confidently.

Sharing critical feedback with your team, colleagues, friends, or family is difficult.

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The “4I” Method to Give Feedback

1. Information: provide specific observations of the action you will be providing feedback on.

2. Impact: Explain the effect the action has on you (or others).

3. Invitation: Extend a collaboration request to address the issue.

4. Implications: Detail the positive or negative consequences of adopting or not adopting the changes you suggest.

Here are a few examples of this method in practice

#1 Your colleague calls you over and asks you to review an email they plan to send to a prospective client. The email, as written, is vague and confusing.

"I notice that your email is three paragraphs long and does not end with a clear request [Information]. I would be confused if I received this message [Impact]. I have two suggestions: (1) remove the summary of your last meeting and simply put a link to the meeting notes, and (2) put your desired action in the email subject line [Invitation]. By making these changes, I think the prospect will be more likely to respond quickly [Implication]."

#2 Whenever your boss presents to your team, he tends to focus on and favor the input of men on your team over women. This makes many of the women feel uncomfortable, impacting their morale.

"I just wanted to bring to your attention that when you asked for input today, you only called on men and did not allow women to raise their hands to speak [Information]. I fear this is sending a message to the women on my team that you don't value their work as much as that of the men [Impact]. Are there things I can do to help you involve the women on my team more [Invitation]? If we can address this issue, I think you'll find that all of my team members have useful insights that will help us solve the specific challenges you bring to us [Implication].”

Here are a few tips to practice this method

1. Prepare: Think about why the person might behave this way. Consider what you gain or lose by giving the feedback, and define the specific change you want to see.

2. Be Timely: Almost always, the sooner you give feedback, the better. My rule is <24 hours.

3. Respect the Context: Ensure the person is in the right mental and physical state to receive your feedback. Choose an appropriate time and setting.

4. Adopt the Right Tone: Different feedback requires different tones. Adjust your tone to fit the situation and maintain respect.

5. Stay Balanced: Focus on the issue, not the person. If the person is sensitive, start with positive feedback before addressing the negative.

6. Monitor Emotions: Be aware of and respect both your emotions and those of the person receiving the feedback.

7. Stay Focused: Don’t try to drown this person with a laundry list of feedback. Focus on one feedback at a time.

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Summary:

I learned this method in Matt Abrahams’ book Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You’re Put on the Spot. Matt’s not just any expert—he teaches at Stanford and knows a thing or two about effective communication.

Here are a few other frameworks and tips I shared in the past to master the art of public speaking and effective communication:

1. How to Answer Any Question with Clarity and Confidence 🙋🏽‍♂️

2. Get More 'Yes!' From Anyone by Communicating Your Ideas This Way 👍

3. Crush Toasts, Tributes, and Introductions with This Simple Technique 🥂

4. A Simple Method to Mastering Small Talk 🤝

5. Crack the Code of Public Speaking: 10 Proven Tips To Become An Effective Communicator 📢

🚀 Growth Tip

In this video, you will learn a method that will help you solve tough problems using NODES and LINKS.

1. Visualization: Drawing helps make ideas clear by showing nodes (steps) and links (connections).

2. Iteration: Using sticky notes allows easy adjustments, leading to better solutions.

3. Collaboration: Working in groups, especially quietly, leads to more comprehensive solutions.

This method can be used for bigger issues, like improving customer experience or company vision.

🤩 Inspiration

I’m a big advocate of simplicity over cleverness. It also leads to peaceful growth. In communication or problem-solving, look for clarity and simplicity.

Anil

May the Peaceful Growth be with you! 🪴

P.S. I’m on a road trip from Austin to San Francisco this week. I’ll be in SF for a month. Let me know if you are around and want to meet over coffee or a drink.